


honey, now we're older

by ApatheticRobots



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Reunions, crossover (sort of), it was established four and a half million years ago but technically they never broke up, sort of...?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28329516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApatheticRobots/pseuds/ApatheticRobots
Summary: Starscream goes looking for a relic, and comes home with an old partner instead.
Relationships: Jetfire | Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 166





	1. seemed too good to be true

**Author's Note:**

> Like most multi-chapter stories I post, this is complete and I'll be uploading chapters periodically. 
> 
> This is technically the second draft of this story; I started the first one in mid-August and it gave me so much trouble that I decided to scrap it and start over and I finished this version in about a week. Sometimes starting from scratch is actually the solution to writer's block. The plot is a bit smaller and more contained and focused on what I want (ie gay people being gay) rather than what I think a good fic has to be about. This is a divergence from the TFP episode "Triangulation," because me and some friends all looked at the episode where Starscream with no allies ended up in the arctic and were collectively like "they should have brought skyfire in here"
> 
> no i HAVENT actually looked up what he's like in the aligned verse. im not a g1 bitch except when i am bc i love skyfire so much and jetfire is the young man from animated.
> 
> Story title is from "Forever & Always" by Zeph which I listened to on loop while writing this and is like the ENTIRE vibe for this fic
> 
> also yes i know 90% of my fics contain starscream. I simply think he is neat and should have many boyfriends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from "cliché" by mxmtoon

Awareness came back to Skyfire slowly.

He didn’t even recognize the awakening process for what it was until he was suddenly slammed in the processor by enough warnings and error messages and unread messages to give him a headache. He couldn’t help the groan that came from his vocalizer, and he quickly shunted everything but the most essential errors to background processing. Just until he was a little more awake.

First error: low temperature warning. Dangerously low. Funnily enough, all the processes running through his mind were actually helping to mitigate that. The ludicrous amount of messages his processor was trying to manage were making him run hot. With that, plus him turning on his self-heating systems (commonplace on all space-worthy vessels), the error blinked away.

Second error: low fuel warning. Simple enough. He reached to unsubspace one of the many cubes he still had saved.

Then promptly realized the third critical error as his circuits failed to respond: lack of motor function.

The temperature was part of the problem (though rapidly being solved as he cycled heat through his frame) but the other part of the problem was that the majority of his body (trapped in alt-mode) was being confined by something. Something cold-- ice? Yes, ice. He was frozen in place. That was definitely not helping the temperature thing.

Primus, his processor hurt.

Now that he recognized the feeling of ice pressing against his chassis, he could tell well enough that he was near completely covered in the stuff. Emphasis on "near," though, as he could just barely pick out the sensation of cold air against his nosecone. As well as the barest hint of something scratching against his numb plating. That was weird.

He needed to get out of… wherever he was. Bringing up a few of the more difficult formulas and equations he could remember, he cycled them through his processor until the heat generated by the extra mental effort managed to give him enough wiggle room to put a little power in his thrusters.

Apparently his confines were weaker than he'd assumed, because the second he did that there was an audial-splitting _crack_ and he was sent flying forward. Amidst the cacophony of his former icy prison collapsing and him skidding across the equally cold ground, there was the muffled sound of a pained shriek.

Which… was not good. Had he hit something? Or… someone? He really needed to get his frame back in sorts. 

With no small amount of effort, he wrenched his struts forward and forced his plating to move until he was lying flat on his back in root mode, staring up at a dismal-looking gray sky while snow quickly began to accumulate in the crooks of his frame.

...Where was he, anyways?

And, probably more importantly, had he actually hit somebody back there?

He shoved himself up into a sitting position, ignoring the waves of nausea washing over his processor, and reset his optics until he could actually see his surroundings well enough to process them.

There was… a lot of white. And some gray and blue. Wherever he was, it was freezing, covered in ice. A few paces away was a large chunk of ice with a deep gouge cut out of it-- probably his former tomb-- with smaller pieces of ice scattered around the area. Thanks to his escape efforts, no doubt. And curled up on the ground nearby--

Oh, scrap, he _had_ hit someone.

"I'm so sorry," he slurred, vocalizer still not entirely caught up with the situation, as he got to his pedes and stumbled over. "I didn't mean to hit you. Are you hurt?"

The silver-winged mech made a low, pained sound as he dug pointed digits into the ground beneath him and forced himself up. Skyfire hovered nearby, servos outstretched, ready to lend a hand the second it was asked of him. The least he could do for accidentally ramming into the mech.

"Don't," the mech rasped, and Skyfire froze. That-- no, that sounded _way_ too familiar. "Just give me a klik." 

Skyfire stayed frozen as the mech pushed himself up, wings flaring a bit to offer balance. He dusted himself off. Then he turned to face Skyfire.

The rest of him was silver too, minute red or darker gray accents offering the only variation, all sleek lines and sharp angles and decidedly built for combat. His expression was caught between disbelieving and hopeful. Visually, he was completely unfamiliar. But, well-- Skyfire had always been able to pick him out on sight no matter how many frame changes he went through.

"...Starscream?"

The mech-- _Starscream_ looked up at him with a grin that was nearly manic.

"I did it," he said, somewhat numbly, servos shaking where he held them in front of him. Almost hesitantly, he reached forward and dug pointed digits into Skyfire's chest. It… kind of stung. "I found you."

"Starscream," he said gently, taking hold of Starscream's wrist and pulling them down to hold them still. His digits were scuffed, scraped, the edges chipped and welling blue at the tips. He'd left divots in Skyfire's plating. "What happened?" 

“There was a blizzard,” he said. “You crashed.” His servos were still shaking where Skyfire held them. Along with all the damage, they were _freezing._ Had he dug Skyfire out of his icy prison by himself? With his bare servos?? He seemed conflicted as to whether he wanted to avoid meeting Skyfire’s gaze entirely or whether he needed to be staring the shuttle right in the face. Probably wanted to make sure he wasn’t about to go and collapse or something. 

His explanation was like a trigger phrase, and as soon as he gave it Skyfire’s short-term memory centers finished booting up and threw the most recent comms he’d received before getting frozen at him.

_[SKYFIRE! SKYFIRE, CAN YOU HEAR ME?]_

_[SKYFIRE, RESPOND.]_

_[SKYFIRE, RESPOND!!! RESPOND, DAMN IT.]_

He winced. That was a very panicked sounding handful of messages. “How long was I out?” Long enough that Starscream had the time to get a frame change. Granted, that meant very little, he had a tendency to change frames like the weather. But it at least signified that he’d had the time to reach Cybertron, get a frame transfer, fully integrate into it, then come all the way back. So probably a few months, at the very least.

Starscream just shook his head, pulling his wrists out of Skyfire’s grasp so he could instead physically scale the taller mech and wrap himself around his torso not unlike a needy sparkling. “It’s not important,” he mumbled as Skyfire instantly (though somewhat confusedly) moved to support his weight. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

  
“Okay,” he said. He had to be careful here. Knowing Starscream and the way he spoke, it had either been no time at all or a really _long_ time. Which, going by the conclusion he’d drawn before, it was probably the latter. He could deal with that later, though. “So… How have you been?”

Still clutching him like a dying mech, Starscream laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. It was all dry bitterness. “Not _great._ ” So, awful. Terrible. Any other number of synonyms. Good to know that however long _had_ passed (as his chronometer was still too broken to be able to give him an accurate number), Starscream still had the exact same personality. Or… at least mildly the same. The clinginess was new.

He nodded slowly. “Alright. Where are we?”

“Earth,” Starscream said with no small amount of vitriol in his voice. “A filthy, organic-ridden mudball of a planet.”

“Okay.” Earth, Earth-- there. His database pinged back a response. The file was small, probably because he’d crashed before they’d gotten a chance to fill it out, but gave him the basics. One moon, rotated on an axis around a local star, frozen climate. “Thank you for coming to get me.”

Starscream froze. Skyfire went still as well. A moment later, Starscream pulled away and Skyfire let him go so he could stand on his own pedes. “Of course,” he said, his tone flat, avoiding Skyfire’s optics as he spoke. “You’re welcome.” That was a voice he was unfamiliar with. It was _almost_ the way he got when he was trying to keep a secret, but… wrong. Skyfire had clearly said something he wasn’t a fan of.

Topic change. “Are you staying somewhere planetside? Or are we due back on Cybertron? I’m pretty sure all of my homework is overdue at this point.”

His attempt to change topics and get Starscream acting less cowed apparently failed, because instead of straightening up he just hunched his shoulders further and stared at the ground. “I have a place here.” Skyfire couldn’t pick out what _that_ tone of voice meant either. And it was… a little unnerving. He’d gotten so good at deciphering the Seeker’s feelings since they met and grew closer. And now he just… couldn’t.

“...Okay.” Something was _wrong._ Like, _really_ wrong. He _needed_ to figure out what it was, and fast. Before he said something too wrong and scared Starscream off so soon after getting him back. “Can we go there? It’s kind of chilly, and I need to refuel.” Technically he had fuel in his subspace still that he could’ve pulled out then and there, but he wasn’t keen on standing around in the cold any longer than he had to. He was still shivering, and he wasn’t entirely sure it was exclusively because he’d only just been extracted from being buried. Something about the snow gently swirling around them sent an ominous feeling through Skyfire’s spark.

That, at least, seemed to snap Starscream out of whatever spiral he was falling into. He stood up and his optics brightened as he refocused on Skyfire and their surroundings. “Right,” he said. “Just one moment.” He carefully slid his talons under the plating of his leg and pulled a small device free. After a moment of poking at it, there was a flash of light and before them sat a swirling green vortex.

“A groundbridge?”

“Something wrong with that?”

“No, no,” he didn’t think groundbridge technology was easily accessible to the general populous. “Just wondering. I just… walk in?”

“...Yes. I’ll follow after.”

Glancing back once more at the jagged gouge in the ice where he’d been trapped, he looked back to the portal and steeled himself before stepping through. For a moment there was a flicker of fear, a concern that his frame might be torn apart by whatever mass of energy surrounded him, but no such disaster occurred. He simply blinked and the air around him warmed. No longer was he standing in a frozen, snowy tundra. Instead he appeared to be in a building of some kind, the dark hallways lit only by dim purple strips of lighting along the floor. 

Behind him, there was the sound of pedesteps, and a moment later the low humming of the groundbridge ceased. 

“Welcome,” Starscream said, sweeping past him and gesturing at the space, “to the _Harbinger_.”

The _Harbinger_. [Harbinger - (noun) a herald; one who signifies the coming of some event. An omen.] Based on the way Starscream had said it, it was no doubt the name of a ship. But what kind of ship would have such a grim title?

“It’s… nice.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Starscream said, striding along and clearly expecting Skyfire to follow. Which he did. “It’s decrepit. But it’s better than being left to the mercy of the elements, and it’s not _entirely_ dysfunctional. There’s enough here that I can still get a little use out of it.” He tapped on a keypad set on the wall a couple times, then scowled and jabbed at it harder, and a door slid open. The action was stilted and lagging. Clearly old, then. And-- with the way the lights flickered-- no longer at maximum efficiency.

But also clearly Cybertronian in make. And if they were still on Earth… “What’s a Cybertronian ship doing here?” 

Starscream paused in the doorway. “It crashed. A while ago.” He jerked, walking forward again. “Come on, I want to show you the lab. It’s only marginally worse than what the academy gave us access to. It’s got a built-in refinery, too, so I can get you some fuel.”

There were still a lot of questions rattling around in Skyfire’s helm. Half his internal processes (GPS, chronometer, etc) were still offline. There was something that felt fundamentally _not right_ about this entire situation. 

But asking too many questions would make Starscream clam up. So he would bide his time.

He was right about the state of the lab. There was hardly any equipment to work with, and what there was looked barely functional. The lights were just as low as in the rest of the ship, and there were strange empty cubbies along the wall. They almost looked mech-sized. Well-- not-shuttle mech-sized. Skyfire would have a hard time fitting in one.

“Have a seat wherever,” Starscream said, fiddling with a machine in the corner. “This will just be a minute.”

Skyfire took the offer, seating himself on the edge of a table shoved in the corner and just watching Starscream as he worked. Along with the frame change, there was something different about the way he held himself. He seemed more tense, almost. For the life of him, Skyfire couldn’t exactly put his finger on it.

There was a quiet ding from the machine, and Starscream made a noise of triumph, holding aloft a gently glowing cube. “There we are! And here _you_ are, I’m sure you’re in desperate need of a top-up at this point.”

Skyfire took the proffered cube with a quiet ‘thanks’, sipping at it slowly to let his systems readjust to having fuel dumped into them. There was an odd taste to it, almost bitter, and Skyfire would chalk it up to the refinement process. Speaking of-- “How much energon did you pack for your trip here that you’re needing to resort to manual refining?” Starscream’s subspace was small, but not _that_ small. He should’ve been able to pack enough for a rescue mission. Even if he didn’t know exactly where he was looking.

It was apparently the wrong question to ask, because Starscream went tense again, shoulders hunching and wings hiking up. “Evidently not enough,” he all but growled. “Hurry up and finish that. I want to recharge, but I don’t want you getting lost, so I’m going to show you around first.”

Yikes. Tread lightly, apparently.

Skyfire downed the rest of the cube, and as soon as he’d set it aside, Starscream began walking away and Skyfire was left to follow after him. At least that much hadn’t changed. He was still trailing after the Seeker, just like he always had. That was a bit of a comfort. That no matter how much was different, this, at least, remained the same.

The _Harbinger_ was, as it turned out, not actually a full ship. Rather, half of one. The other half was apparently somewhere else on the planet, but probably not worth much, considering the way Starscream’s expressions soured when Skyfire asked about it. Most of the rooms were storage, with a handful of labs or berthrooms and a single washrack among the remaining. While there was minimal power from some solar panels set up on the outer hull of the ship, there was no running water, and both the heating and life support were nonfunctional, so even if it didn’t have a gaping hole where the other half had split, it wouldn’t be space-worthy any time soon.

Though, apparently, the lack of heating was not a problem while it was grounded. Among various other developments, the planet was no longer a giant ball of ice. Skyfire wondered out loud if it was temporary, if it just had very drastic seasons, but as he kept asking questions (like the span of the planet’s ice ages) Starscream got more and more cagey until he snapped at Skyfire to drop the topic.

So he did. But he also made sure to jot down some notes and questions to ask later.

No matter how much time had passed, he was still a scientist at spark, after all.

When the tour was concluded, Starscream seemed to be in a bit better mood. He was no longer scowling and stomping everywhere, at least, and had gone back to staring at Skyfire whenever he thought the shuttle wasn’t looking. Skyfire would’ve minded it a bit more if a) it wasn’t Starscream doing the staring and b) it hadn’t obviously been a while since the Seeker had laid optics on him.

Starscream still wouldn’t answer how long it had been. But Skyfire wasn’t as big of an idiot as people assumed when they first saw him. He could draw his own conclusions.

Even if his chronometer still wasn’t working. Whenever he tried to ping it and get a read on when the _last_ ping had been, it spat out a number far too large to be feasible. Really, four _million_ years? It must have been faulty after the exposure to critical temperatures.

...Right?


	2. and sore minds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the week or so that had gone by, Skyfire had quickly realized that things were a lot more wrong than he’d initially thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Idle Town" by Conan Gray. the entire playlist for this fic consists of six sad yearning indie songs.
> 
> also fuck consistent upload schedules ill do what i want w this one

In the week or so that had gone by, Skyfire had quickly realized that things were a lot more  _ wrong _ than he’d initially thought. 

  
Granted, he’d never exactly thought things were  _ normal _ , but this was, like, a  _ lot _ more wrong. 

The most stand-out thing was probably Starscream’s behavior. Skyfire could tell he was  _ trying _ to act the same, probably for Skyfire’s benefit. But there were these little things he did that Skyfire couldn’t help but notice, that he couldn’t help but hyperfocus on. Like the tension he constantly held in his frame, the way his wings were always held high and alert. The way he jumped whenever Skyfire moved too quickly or made a loud noise. He was twitchy, more than he’d ever been in the past, and it wasn’t the kind of twitchy he got when he hadn’t recharged in days. 

And, Skyfire noted, he hadn’t gone out flying since he’d brought Skyfire back.

It was  _ possible _ he just happened to be going whenever Skyfire was in recharge, but most of the time they either recharged at the same time or Skyfire woke first. It was rare he was asleep when the Seeker wasn’t. 

He  _ loved _ flying. Back during their academy days, he’d gotten hissy if he went more than two days without a flight. It was ingrained into his very struts, the need to fly. It wasn’t quite as drastic in Skyfire, usually he’d be fine if he was grounded for a couple weeks, but even  _ he’d _ been feeling the need to stretch his wings recently. It had to be so much worse for Starscream.

He wasn’t entirely sure how to bring up his concerns without immediately making the Seeker shut his mouth and not say a word. Another thing Skyfire had noticed, how tetchy Starscream got whenever he asked too many questions about Starscream’s behavior, or how much time had passed. Or any other topic Starscream didn’t want to talk about. He was way more cagey.

The best way would probably to just act like nothing was wrong, insert it into casual conversation. So he picked a free afternoon when they were both just sitting around reading their respective datapads to bring it up.

“Hey,” he said, prompting Starscream to look up at him curiously, “did you want to go for a flight?”

Immediately, Starscream froze. He got that look on his face that he always got whenever Skyfire asked a question he didn’t want to answer. “No,” he said after a moment. Skyfire waited, as his tone implied he had something more to stay, but the Seeker stayed silent. 

“Well,” he prompted, “why not?”

“It’s--” Starscream paused. “Dangerous.”

Skyfire frowned. “It’s  _ dangerous?” _ He’d been expecting an excuse somewhere more along the lines of “I’m tired,” or “I’m in the middle of something,” or… well, literally anything else. But  _ dangerous? _ “What’s out there that’s more dangerous than the two of us together? I can sit on anything that tries to hurt us.”

Apparently this was not a joking matter, because his crack didn’t even get a hint of a smile out of Starscream. The Seeker put his datapad down, wringing his servos together. “There are some-- some things that I haven’t told you about,” he said, halting and hesitant.

Putting his own datapad away, Skyfire turned to face him.

He looked… nervous. 

“Okay.”   
  


A few more moments of silence passed. “Some things-- A lot has happened since you crashed, Skyfire,” Starscream said. “A lot has changed. There are… This planet is very different. It is not unpopulated. There is organic life, debatably sentient, and there are… other Cybertronians. Mechs like us. But  _ unlike _ us, they don’t simply wish to-- to live in peace.” He looked away, optics boring holes in the floor. “They… There are two groups. They are called the Autobots and the Decepticons. And they… both of them, though they have different ideals, want to ruin everything. They already destroyed Cybertron, that’s why they’re here. If they find us, they will ruin the life we’ve built here. They will kill me, and if they aren’t able to recruit you, they’ll kill you too. The Decepticons especially-- I defected from them. This ship,” he gestured at the room, the  _ Harbinger _ in general, “is of Decepticon make.” 

It… sounded reasonable. Enough. 

But it wasn’t  _ everything.  _ Skyfire had spent the past week re-training himself to be able to understand Starscream’s tones and mannerisms, and he had enough experience at this point to know what it sounded like when the Seeker was withholding information.

“Alright,” he said slowly. “What else?”

“...What?”

“I have a signal dampener.  _ You _ have a signal dampener. The whole area is big and open, we’ll be able to see them coming from miles away and have time to hide. That  _ can’t _ be the only thing stopping you. You haven’t flown once since I got here.” Skyfire frowned, leaning over and gently taking one of Starscream’s servos. “Starscream, I’m worried about you.”

Starscream froze. Then abruptly ripped his servo away. “I am  _ fine.” _

“I don’t think you are. Please,” Skyfire said, moving his servo up and curling it over Starscream’s shoulder instead. “You can trust me. I just want to help.”

The Seeker’s expression went sour, and though he didn’t pull away again, he was tense under Skyfire’s hold. “You can’t,” he said, his tone thick with bitterness. “You can’t help with this. I…” He trailed off.

Skyfire waited silently, patiently. It was best to just wait when trying to get information out of Starscream, he couldn’t stand silence.

  
“I am missing my transformation cog,” Starscream said slowly, voice tight.

Skyfire froze.

He was…  _ what? _

His delayed reaction was clearly an error, because the longer he sat there simply staring at Starscream in shocked and/or horrified silence, the more uncomfortable Starscream looked, to the point where he was ripping away from Skyfire and getting to his pedes and stalking across the room. Wings high and shoulders hunched. “Just forget about it, alright? It’s fine. I am  _ fine. _ Don’t-- Stop  _ looking _ at me like that!!”

He wasn’t sure what expression was on his face, but he  _ was _ sure that he decidedly could not help it. A mech’s t-cog was their livelihood, it gave them movement and freedom. It gave them the power of flight. For a Seeker like Starscream, it was crucial to their wellbeing.

And Starscream…  _ didn’t have one. _

“What… happened?”

Starscream bared his teeth. “I had an unfortunate run-in with some particularly cruel organics.”

Any brief interest or curiosity that had been brewing since Starscream had mentioned the existence of sentient organics immediately went out the window and was replaced with as much fury as Skyfire was capable of mustering on Starscream’s behalf. “And… they destroyed it?”

The Seeker scoffed. “Hardly!” His wings jerked up. “They  _ stole  _ it. Sick pieces of scrap. They were trying to build a Cybertronian of their own, and when their first t-cog became  _ inaccessible _ , they turned to the next available option.  _ Mine. _ ” His tone was bitter and angry, but the way his wings shook and his plating rattled betrayed how the memory was affecting him. As in, badly. “I-- I tried-- I tried  _ making _ myself a new one, and it… worked, but I-- I can’t--” He bit his lip. “I tried to put it… back. I tried. And I couldn’t.”

He had tried to do a  _ t-cog transplant _ on  _ himself? _ Transformation cogs were delicate, instruments of precision. Starscream would’ve had a hard time fixing one on any other mech. But to try and do surgery on  _ himself _ like that?

...He was  _ desperate. _

Desperation. Now that Skyfire had acknowledged the word, and everything it entailed, he could recognize most of Starscream’s behaviors for what they were. The actions of a desperate mech.

It wasn’t a good look on him.

Skyfire hesitantly stood, stepping forward, and reached out towards Starscream. He froze when Starscream flinched at his approach. 

“Starscream,” he said, “I’m so--”

“ _ Don’t _ ,” the Seeker hissed, “apologize. Just don’t. I’m going on a walk.” He turned on his heel and stalked out of the room. Skyfire could still see his wings shaking as the door hissed closed behind him.

Skyfire was left standing alone, wishing for not the first time that he hadn’t gone and gotten himself frozen.

Starscream did come back after barely half an hour. At that point, Skyfire had gone back to sitting and reading. Apparently the walk had been enough to get whatever anger lingered out of his system, because when he returned he promptly flopped on his front over Skyfire’s legs and muttered an apology that was almost too quiet to hear. But the fact that he’d apologized at all meant a great deal.

“I’m sorry for pushing,” Skyfire said quietly, leaning down to gently brush the space between Starscream’s wings. He felt the Seeker relax under his touch. “I only do it because I care, you know?”

“I know,” Starscream mumbled into his plating. “It’s how you’ve always been.”

“Oh, don’t be so dour. If you’re not going to take care of yourself,  _ someone _ has to do it. Might as well be me.” He gently tweaked the edge of one of Starscream’s wings. The Seeker made a quiet noise, wing twitching in Skyfire’s grip. “What is it you said back then? ‘I’m the only fragger in this city who can handle you’?”

Starscream raised his head just enough to pout at Skyfire. “You  _ remember _ that?”

The mood of the room sufficiently lightened, Skyfire laughed. “Of course I remember that! It’s still the highest compliment anyone’s ever paid me. That one time you got overcharged and told me I had a ‘nice chassis’ while I carried you back to the dorm is a close second, though.”

Groaning in what was clearly embarrassment, Starscream buried his face in the plating of Skyfire’s leg again. “I never should have brought you back,” he lamented. “No one here knew me during my academy days, but now you’re around all the time to bring up my mistakes of the past. Slagger.” 

Skyfire laughed again, and even Starscream couldn’t keep up a serious demeanor. His laughter was nowhere near as boisterous as Skyfire’s, but it was still probably the sweetest sound Skyfire had heard in a very long time.

“In all seriousness,” Skyfire said once they’d both calmed down, “thank you for rescuing me.”

Starscream went still, and Skyfire briefly worried he’d said the wrong thing again, but instead of a reproach or a snappy reply, the Seeker simply reached up with one servo and took hold of Skyfire’s.

“...You’re welcome,” he said, voice soft. “Thank you for still being you.”

It was nice. It should have been nice.

But for the briefest moment, Skyfire was struck with the realization that he didn’t  _ really _ know what Starscream meant by that.

And that… was a little unsettling.


	3. you've been asking but i don't have an answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skyfire got the feeling there was _so much more_ beyond all of that that Starscream wasn’t telling him. He… tried not to feel hurt. He really did. But there was still a tight feeling in his tanks, the bitter taste of betrayal in his mouth. A sinking feeling in his spark that whatever had happened in the time Skyfire had been gone had _seriously_ affected Starscream, to the point where his partner no longer truly trusted him. He was starting to get the feeling a lot more time had passed than he’d guessed.
> 
> But Starscream _still_ wouldn’t tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song for this chapter is "Are You Bored Yet?" by Wallows ft Clairo cause deep down i am a basic bitch at heart

Despite how light-hearted things had gotten at the end of their more dire conversation, Skyfire’s processor still lingered on the things Starscream had told him about the future he’d found himself in. Decepticons… Autobots… Groups of mechs that were dangerous to the both of them. That wanted to hurt them. That had gotten footholds on Earth after destroying Cybertron. Also, Starscream was _missing his fragging t-cog._

Skyfire got the feeling there was _so much more_ beyond all of that that Starscream wasn’t telling him. He… tried not to feel hurt. He really did. But there was still a tight feeling in his tanks, the bitter taste of betrayal in his mouth. A sinking feeling in his spark that whatever had happened in the time Skyfire had been gone had _seriously_ affected Starscream, to the point where his partner no longer truly trusted him. He was starting to get the feeling a lot more time had passed than he’d guessed.

But Starscream _still_ wouldn’t tell him. 

And he was kind of afraid to push anymore. 

Things were good. They’d settled into a comfortable routine, living in their run down old ship. They mostly spent the days reading the various datapads Starscream had brought with him, or that they’d found lying around the ship, or Skyfire had found in the depths of his subspace. They processed raw energon crystals into something drinkable (and Skyfire helped fix the filter so it tasted a little better), and when they ran out of crystals, one of both of them would take a groundbridge to one of the abandoned caves Starscream happened to know of and pry a few more armfuls loose. They took walks, never straying too far from the ship but not staying cooped up inside. Starscream told him more about life on Earth.

He firmly avoided the topic of the sentient organics (or “humans” as he’d said they were called), and Skyfire didn’t bring them up again.

They were happy. Things were nice. Skyfire didn’t want to ruin it by pushing Starscream for answers to his questions.

But he had to. Sometimes Starscream had gotten like this back when they were still on Cybertron, closed off and tight-lipped, and it was always a tossup as to whether he needed time or wanted Skyfire to push. Skyfire couldn’t actually tell which instance this was (and was momentarily blindsided by how much he didn’t know his partner anymore), so he took a gamble and kept pushing. 

He took to following Starscream around as the Seeker worked on the ship, or scouted out abandoned caves for the crystallized energon they used in their refinery. Whenever there was a lull in conversation, Skyfire tried bringing up another one of the questions Starscream kept avoiding.

“I’m not going to get mad,” was how he opened most times, though he had a hunch Starscream didn’t believe it, “I’m just curious. Why do you get so nervous whenever I thank you for anything?” 

Starscream, where he was seated and messing with his groundbridge remote, scowled. “It’s none of your business.”

Skyfire huffed. He loved Starscream, really, but this was starting to get a little bit ridiculous. “You keep saying that whenever I ask you _anything._ It’s none of my business or it’s not important or it doesn’t matter. You keep evading and changing the subject and I get it, really, I know this situation’s complicated. But you have to answer my questions eventually. How much time passed while I was out?”

Gritting his teeth, Starscream kept working. “It doesn’t _matter.”_

“Starscream, I have nearly three thousand missed messages.” He paused, giving his inbox a cursory glance. “And most of them are from you. I’ve _never_ had that many messages at once. There’s no way--”

“Don’t!!” Starscream was in front of him in an instant, grabbing his wrist and clutching it hard enough to sting, as though that would stop Skyfire from accessing his internal commlink. Even if the gesture was futile, the meaning behind it was clear, and Skyfire still paused and looked down at him. There was badly obscured fear in his optics. “Don’t read them. Promise me you won’t read _any_ of them. Please. They’re not important.”

He was… really serious about this. His voice was wavering.

“Okay,” Skyfire said. “I won’t. I promise. But,” he added, making Starscream tense up again from where he’d started to relax, “you need to be a little more honest with me. I won’t get upset. I just want to know why you’re so… afraid.”

Starscream’s plating flared, an effort to try and make himself seem larger, and while it may have helped against a mech of similar size, it was pretty useless against Skyfire with his several meters height advantage. “I am not _afraid,_ ” he spat. “Do not _ever_ insinuate that sort of weakness about me. _Ever._ ”  
  


“I didn’t insinuate anything,” Skyfire said, keeping his tone carefully soft. “I just want to help. Please. You’re acting strange, and it’s got me worried.” He frowned. “Is it… because of me?”

The sneer on Starscream’s face turned to a mild look of panic. “No, no-- It’s not--” He huffed. “It’s not _you._ ”

  
“Then please. Talk to me. Just tell me what’s the matter.

Starscream scowled again, expression pinched. He looked at Skyfire, then the floor, then up at Skyfire again. He opened his mouth to start speaking and cut himself off, looking away again. When he finally spoke, it was barely a whisper, and definitely too quiet for Skyfire to hear.

“What?”

He muttered something again, only the tiniest bit louder.

“Starscream, I can’t hear you.”

_"I left you here!!”_ Starscream all but shrieked, wings flaring wide, the outburst startling enough to send Skyfire reeling back. “I _lied,_ alright? I left you here to rot, I _didn’t_ come looking, and it was all just a stupid coincidence that I found you. I _didn’t_ come to get you. I wrote you off as _dead_ and called it a day. I _wasn’t_ a good partner, I was awful, and you shouldn’t be thanking me for _anything.”_ He spun away, arms crossed over his chest and wings hiked high.

“Starscream,” he said, which garnered no response from the Seeker besides his plating clamping down tight over his frame. _“Starscream.”_

“What?” He snapped.

“I’m not mad.” 

Starscream flinched. But still didn’t turn and look at him.

“I’m not mad at you, I’m not even a little bit upset. I promise. I get why you had to leave. If you’d stayed here, in the same storm that grounded me, you’d have probably gotten trapped here too. And then _neither_ of us would be okay. Sure, you left me back then, but when you finally _did_ get here and found me again you didn’t leave me behind. Down there, in the ice? I was still in stasis when you found me, you could have left me there. But you didn’t. You woke me up, you brought me back.” He crouched down, leveling himself so he was looking _up_ at the Seeker instead of looming over him. “You saved me, Starscream. You did good.”

Starscream finally turned around at that, stricken expression worsening as he saw Skyfire kneeling in front of him. “But-- Back then--”

“It doesn’t matter, okay?” Yes, he knew he’d just chastised Starscream for using that phrase earlier, but these were different circumstances. “Whatever you did back then doesn’t matter. I forgive you for it.” He had a pretty good feeling Starscream was still exaggerating, actually. But it would take a little more work to get the _real_ truth out of the Seeker. “What matters is the here and now, and what you do in the future. I trust you not to leave again. And I won’t either.”

After a few moments of silent staring, Starscream threw himself forward, giving Skyfire barely enough time to open his arms and catch him. He curled around the shuttle and let out a choked sob.

  
“I missed you,” he said, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Skyfire said in return, pressing his forehead against Starscream’s. Once he was sure he had a good enough hold on the Seeker, he stood, carrying Starscream over to the berth set against the wall and sitting down with him still pressed against his side. Starscream shifted just enough to get a firmer hold on the shuttle. It would take quite an effort to pry him off at this point. Skyfire didn’t mind. 

“I’m sorry,” Starscream murmured, quickly winding down as the fierce emotions drained from his frame. “I never meant…” His vocalizer fizzled into silence. 

Skyfire held him tighter. “I forgive you.”

It was no wonder Starscream fell into recharge as quickly as he did after that. Worn out from the emotional whirlwind earlier, curled up against Skyfire’s warm frame; it was a recipe for one very exhausted Seeker. The arm he’d slung around Skyfire’s midsection tightened and he muttered something too quiet for the shuttle to hear.

Along with all the other things, something Skyfire had noticed is that this Starscream… lied a lot more. Like, he’d never been an especially _honest_ mech. Particularly when it came to anything that would make him seem lesser. But… it was the fact that Skyfire could _tell_ he was lying that put him on edge. He was normally so good at it, good enough that even Skyfire had a hard time picking lie from truth sometimes. 

But he’d gotten _bad_ at it.

And Skyfire wasn’t mad. He knew that was just the kind of mech Starscream was. It wasn’t personal, and it wasn’t because he wanted to hurt Skyfire by withholding the truth. It was just his nature. Like all of his other idiosyncrasies, Skyfire had accepted that.

He wouldn’t force Starscream to tell the truth. But he also wasn’t going to just spend the rest of his life in ignorance.

Starscream had always been a light sleeper. Even the slightest disturbance would wake him, which was unfortunate because he had such a tendency to fall asleep on top of other mechs. Namely Skyfire. It was somewhat beneficial, though, because at least it had taught the shuttle how to occupy himself without moving a single strut. Usually he read a datapad or something, caught up on the news, finished any homework he still had left to do. This time, he had something else to occupy the next few hours.

Glancing down at Starscream’s recharging form in a silent apology, he pulled up his inbox and began to read.

He had some answers to find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is a little bit of a different format and will also probably be up on friday unless i get impatient


	4. god knows where i would be if you hadn't found me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SKYF - Inbox
> 
> MESSAGES - 3,412
> 
> Filter: "Status:Unread"
> 
> Searching... results found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones a bit different, cause its not really a narrative format, but its a quick overview of Everything that happened. i kind of threw out the finer details of canon because fuck the aligned universe and instead took what little we know from the show and ran with it
> 
> also i intended to post this yesterday but i forgot solenoid happened then and i dont like posting multiple things in one day lol--

UNREAD MESSAGES - 2,980

Filter: “Sender:STSC” 

Searching… results found.

UNREAD MESSAGES - 2,137

Accessing (1/2,137)...

_ [SKYFIRE! SKYFIRE, CAN YOU HEAR ME?] _

Accessing (2/2,137)...

_ [SKYFIRE, RESPOND.] _

Accessing (3/2,137)...

_ [SKYFIRE, RESPOND!!! RESPOND, DAMN IT.] _

Accessing (51/2,137)

_ [Skyfire, please. Answer me.] _

Accessing (89/2,137)...

_ [Skyfire I need you to respond. Right now. Please answer me.] _

Accessing (199/2,137)...

_ [Respond respond respond respond respond respond respond respond respond] _

Accessing (203/2,137)...

_ [I’m sorry, I have to go. I’m running low on energon. I’ll come back after I get to Cybertron and stock up though, I swear, I’ll find you.] _

Accessing (205/2,137)… 

_ [They expelled me. The slaggers  _ expelled _ me. They didn’t even listen when I tried to tell them you weren’t dead, just in stasis, and they blamed me for your death. They would have taken me to court if the Vosian government hadn’t gotten involved. Slaggers don’t like anyone else handling Seekers in terms of the law. So now I’m on probation, and they’re not letting me back into the academy. I lost my permit to leave the planet. They won’t even send a search party.] _

Accessing (358/2,137)… 

_ [I found a trine. You’ll like them when you meet them-- they’re big and dumb, but not afraid to stand up to me. I’m grateful for them, but sometimes they just make me miss you even more.] _

Accessing (661/2,137)...

_ [It’s the anniversary of the day you crashed. I told Skywarp and Thundercracker (my trinemates) about you. They… I didn’t want to believe you were dead. I wanted to believe you were still alive. But I can’t keep deluding myself like this. I love you, and I miss you. But you’re gone.] _

Accessing (670/2,137)...

_ [I need to stop sending messages to a dead mech.] _

Accessing (671/2,137)...

_ [Alright I know I said I’d stop but I need to complain and you’re the only one who never told me to stop talking. So listen up.] _

Accessing (911/2,137)… 

_ [There’s been unrest on Cybertron, Skyfire, you would hate it. It seems like every day there’s reports of a new riot or protest going on somewhere. These two mechs are making a rather big stir, some Iaconian archivist and this big brute of a gladiator from Kaon. They have good ideas, but I’m not sure they’ll be able to get anywhere with them. It’s all a lot of talk. I miss you.] _

Accessing (925/2,137)… 

_ [I attended one of the rallies, though Skywarp and Thundercracker neglected to come. The gladiator did most of the talking. He talks a lot, and uses a lot of words, I’d think the archivist was the one writing his speeches because of some of the vocabulary he uses, except the archivist spent the whole speech looking sour, like he wasn’t too fond of what the gladiator was saying. Seems there’s some dissent between them. I like where they’re coming from. They talk a lot about the dissipation of the caste system, of letting people not be defined by their alt-modes. I think you’d like it too-- they’d probably support a shuttle class who wanted to be a scientist.] _

Accessing (980/2,137)... 

_ [The gladiator’s little archivist was nowhere to be found at his last rally, and he seemed a good bit angrier than usual. There was a lot more talk of rising up and using violence to get what we want in his speech this time. Maybe you wouldn’t like him.] _

Accessing (1,060/2,137)

_ [I got a chance to speak to the gladiator directly. He calls himself Megatronus. Rather egotistical, in my opinion, taking the name of a former Prime for his own. He seemed surprised I knew the source. Not sure if he’s xenophobic or just an idiot.] _

Accessing (1,061/2,137)... 

_ [He’s just an idiot.] _

Accessing (1,159/2,137)...

_ [We got a new Prime. He looks rather familiar, but I can’t quite place him. Megatron (he shortened his name, by the way) is livid. He showed up at our apartment the other night, overcharged, going on about betrayal and treachery and stuff. Dramatic piece of scrap. Thundercracker and Skywarp had to drag him out. Hoping he just forgets about it.] _

Accessing (1,310/2,137)...

_ [A war has started. No one will call it that, of course. All the reports will only refer to it as the ‘civil unrest’ or ‘lower-caste rebellion.’ The Senate is constantly meeting. It seems like a bad idea, to me, all those important people staying in one place, just sitting around with minimal defense. Especially because Megatron has gotten most of the flier population on his side. ‘We have spectacular aerial defense,’ they say, except for the fact that said flier population  _ is _ their aerial defense. It’s all such a mess.] _

Accessing (1,388/2,137)...

_ [The Senate was bombed. They’re all dead. I don’t want to say ‘I told you so,’ but…] _

Accessing (1,400/2,137)...

_ [Megatron’s given himself and his little followers an official name. They’re called the ‘Decepticons’ now. Which, really, if he doesn’t want to be painted as a villain by the news outlets, why would he go and give his gang a name like that?] _

Accessing (1,415/2,137)...

_ [He asked us to join. Technically he asked me, I suppose, but I made it clear that me and my trine were an ‘all or nothing’ deal. I would have included you in there if you were here, but I have a feeling you wouldn’t have wanted to join him anyways. Skywarp and Thundercracker are hesitant, but they’ll go along with what I tell them to. So now we’re ‘Decepticons,’ I suppose. Only in name, though. I’m not getting that ridiculous symbol branded onto my armor any time soon. Just in case it all goes wrong.] _

Accessing (1,462/2,137)...

_ [Vos was destroyed.] _

Accessing (1,505/2,137)...

_ [They’ve started officially calling it a war, at least. The Autobots ordered a strike on Vos after we in the aerial units attacked some of their troops hiding in Tarn. They won’t admit it was them. I think they didn’t just do it because we attacked them in Tarn, but because so many of the flier population joined the Decepticons. Which meant the whole city was under their control. Very few flight frames sided with them, most went neutral or joined us in the Decepticons. If they could cull the Seekers, that got rid of one of Megatron’s advantages. Level the playing field. They failed. We’re still here. And now they’re  _ really _ never going to get any fliers on their side.]  _

Accessing (1,570/2,137)...

_ [I called Megatron out in front of everyone today. He was trying to launch a raid, but the way he was organizing us Seekers had us primed for being shot out of the sky. I pointed it out. He went kind of quiet for a moment, then said something like ‘thank you for your input, Starscream’ then went back to what he was saying. Idiot.] _

Accessing (1,571/2,137)...

_ [We had a fight. Not long after I sent the previous message Megatron showed up at my quarters, started going off at me about undermining his authority or whatever. Told him if his authority could be so easily undermined, maybe he wasn’t fit to command an army after all. He put a dent in my wing.] _

Accessing (1,577/2,137)...

_ [I was put in charge of the Decepticon aerial division. ‘Air Commander Starscream’ has a rather nice ring to it, in my opinion. I think it’s supposed to be an apology for what he did the other day. Which… is nice.] _

Accessing (1,602/2,137)...

_ [Bad day today. Skywarp got hurt.] _

Accessing (1,614/2,137)

_ [He wants us to call him ‘Lord Megatron’ now. Egotistical piece of scrap. I’ll call him Lord once the stars go cold and not a minute before.] _

Accessing (1,631/2,137)...

_ [Starting to really hate this place and these people, Skyfire. I’d grab my trinemates and leave if I didn’t know how bad of an idea it was. There’s no way Megatron would let us go without a fight. Joining the Autobots is suicide. Neutrals are treated badly by everyone, and most planets turn away Cybertronian refugees. Apparently they’re worried we’ll ‘bring our war with us.’ Which, alright, they’re correct, but it’s still rude.] _

Accessing (1,677/2,137)...

_ [I have a bad feeling about this next mission. I don’t like it when he keeps me on base, away from my trine. It feels wrong. I should be out there with them. I should be fighting.] _

Accessing (1,678/2,137)

_ [Something’s wrong.] _

Accessing (1,679/2,137)...

_ [They’re dead. Skywarp and Thundercracker. I felt it. They’re dead, they’re gone, I lost them, just like I lost you, I can’t keep doing this. Everyone I love I lose. It’s not fair. I have to find them, I can’t leave them behind too.] _

Accessing (1,680/2,137)...

_ [I hate him. I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him] _

Accessing (1,681/2,137)...

_ [He wouldn’t let me go. He told me if they were dead they were too weak and I shouldn’t give them any more thought. I’m going to kill him.] _

Accessing (1,685/2,137)...

_ [Maybe I should have died on that planet with you. Maybe things would have been better off.] _

Accessing (1,701/2,137)...

_ [He won’t leave me alone. I hate him. You were always so much gentler.] _

Accessing (1,703/2,137)...

_ [I miss you.] _

Accessing (1,961/2,137)...

_ [We’re leaving Cybertron. The planet’s been bled dry, it can’t sustain us any longer. Not sure quite where we’re going, but we’ve got a veritable flying fortress of a ship. This is the first time I’ve left the planet since our mission. And I’m not even doing it under my own power. Oh, and I tried to kill Megatron the other day. Didn’t go well. Will be trying again.] _

Accessing (2,100/2,137)...

_ [This has to be some kind of karmic punishment.] _

Accessing (2,101/2,137)...

_ [We’re going there. The planet where I lost you. Soundwave thinks it’s the most viable source of energon within the next three solar systems. If this isn’t the universe paying me back for all I’ve done over the course of this war, I’ll eat my wings.] _

Accessing (2,103/2,137)...

_ [It’s no longer a giant ball of ice. There’s vegetation, and organic life.  _ Sentient  _ organic life. If you could consider them sentient, I suppose, but they’re not very advanced. I’m sure you would have a field day. Looking at them just makes me sick, though, because they remind me of you. Soft-sparked.] _

Accessing (2,109/2,137)...

_ [Megatron is leaving. Says he’s got a mission into deep space that he needs to complete. He’s going on his own. I hope he dies out there.] _

Accessing (2,117/2,137)...

_ [Megatron’s back. We fought. Same old.] _

Accessing (2,121/2,137)...

_ [He’s not dead. But he’s very close to it. If I didn’t think Soundwave would shoot me for it, I’d pull the life support on him. Would you help me kill him, if I asked?] _

Accessing (2,124/2,137)...

_ [Flew over the poles of the planet today. They’re still covered in ice. I miss you.] _

Accessing (2,127/2,137)...

_ [He’s alive. I don’t know how, but he’s back. Another beating. And our doctor is such a lech. I just wish he’d avoid the wings, they’re such a pain to straighten out.] _

Accessing (2,130/2,137)...

_ [I’m done. I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m not going to be his plaything. I refuse. I will not be subjugated by that tyrant anymore. I know I’ve said it before, and I know I always go crawling back, but not this time. I’m done.] _

Accessing (2,132/2,137)...

_ [I hate this planet I hate it I hate it and its filth it’s taken EVERYTHING FROM ME] _

Accessing (2,133/2,137)...

_ [I miss you.] _

Accessing (2,134/2,137)...

_ [I miss you.] _

Accessing (2,135/2,137)...

_ [I miss you.] _

Accessing (2,136/2,137)...

_ [I miss you.] _

Accessing (2,137/2,137)...

_ [I miss you.] _

UNREAD MESSAGES - 843

All messages selected…

Marked as Unread.

Access history cleared.


	5. at least until the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four and a half million years.
> 
> Four and a half _million_ years. 
> 
> An entire war. 
> 
> ...No wonder Starscream didn’t answer when he asked how much time had passed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wahoooo last chapter. song for this one is "Please Never Fall in Love Again" by Ollie MN which, fun fact, was the working title for this fic
> 
> [here's the full playlist but its literally just six songs](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2CWD4zHmf4cf5OpuExXBxB?si=B9u7uWVDT42o9uM0dNkaQw)

Four and a half million years.

Four and a half  _ million _ years. 

An entire  _ war _ . 

...No wonder Starscream didn’t answer when he asked how much time had passed.

He was reeling by the time he got to the end of his inbox, hours later, clutching Starscream against him probably tighter than was comfortable. All the things that had happened. All that his partner had been through.

What had they  _ done _ to him?

Whether it was the furious whirring of his fans, his heavy intakes, the thunderous beating of his spark, or simply the strength with which he was gripping the Seeker, there was a low noise and Starscream stirred. He yawned, showing off pointed fangs (fangs he hadn’t had before, when had he gotten those installed, could Skyfire place it on a timeline, was it because of the war, why did he need to forge every part of himself into a weapon), and blinked a couple times. Bleary red optics looked up and met Skyfire’s.

Starscream gave a sleepy little smile. “Skyfire,” he said, voice thick with static, “you’re here.”

“Yeah,” Skyfire said, willing his vocalizer to remain steady. Hoping his expression didn’t give away his inner turmoil. He’d always been an open datapad, he could only hope it wasn’t  _ too _ noticeable as to alarm the Seeker. “Morning, sleepyhead. Rest well?”

Another yawn and Starscream nudged his arms away, sitting up and stretching with a flare of plating and a brief flutter of his wings. “Better than I have in a while. You make for a good berth.”

“Hah, well.” Everything was fine. Everything was  _ fine. _ He just had to pretend like nothing was wrong, pretend like he hadn’t just had his worldview shattered and his spark broken in seconds as he’d read through all the comms Starscream had sent. Like he didn’t feel like he was about to collapse with the weight of all the things he’d learned. “Happy to be of service.”

Starscream paused, arms still in the air, and let both them and his plating settle with a frown on his face. “You sound upset. Did something happen while I was out?” His tone was bordering on suspicion.

“Nope,” he said, leaning forward to pull Starscream into a hug and (hopefully) transfer his attention to something else. “Not a thing. Kinda hungry, though, mind if we get the refiner up and running?” That would be enough of a task that Starscream would (also hopefully) stop deconstructing his tone to try and figure out what was going on.

The Seeker hummed, pulling back and staring at him for just a moment, then shrugged and got to his pedes. “Of course you are. You’re like an energon sponge, you big lug.”

“Uh, I’m not the low-efficiency high-cost flight frame out of the two of us, you know.”

Starscream made a mock-offended noise, gently whacking Skyfire’s chest. “I’ll have you know I’m  _ perfectly _ efficient!” 

“Oh, really?” He grinned, hauling himself upright and slinging an arm around Starscream’s shoulders, ignoring the Seeker’s half-sparked protests. “That week long trip to Luna-2 would say otherwise. How many gallons did you go through on the way there? A thousand? I had to pay from my personal funds to get a refill so we could actually make it back to Cybertron. Greedy little thing.” 

Snorting in laughter, Starscream continued shoving at Skyfire’s side and protesting against “this baseless slander,” but there was no actual heat behind it. Skyfire grinned, and hoped he could keep the grief still clutching his spark from darkening his expression.

Starscream did actually shove Skyfire away once they got to the lab with the refiner, needing both servos to actually operate the thing. He hummed lowly as he turned it on. “Our stores of raw energon are running low,” he said with a sigh, peering at a little bar on the top of the machine. “You’ll need to go get more soon.” 

Skyfire nodded along idly, then paused. “Hang on--  _ I’ll _ need to get more? Not  _ we?” _

There was a pout on Starscream’s face when he looked back up at Skyfire. “Well…”

Which was how Skyfire found himself standing out in the middle of nowhere half an hour later, with a slightly fuller tank and a mission to fulfill.

Skyfire made sure the blaster he’d been given was safely tucked in his subspace before he headed down the slope and into the mine. Starscream had given him a whole bunch of reasons why the shuttle had to be the one to go; the Decepticons couldn’t track him, he was better built for manual labor, he actually had his t-cog, Starscream had bumped his pede while working on another part of the  _ Harbinger  _ and thus couldn’t walk (this one was somewhat ineffective given he was pacing as he said it.) The obvious truth was that he simply didn’t want to, and, really, he could have just said so. Skyfire was plenty happy to go on a little solo trip to get them some more fuel.

He needed a little while to gather his thoughts on how he was going to broach the topic of the time that had gone by without scaring Starscream off, anyway. 

He idly hummed to himself as he headed through the empty cavern, a tune he vaguely remembered from before his crash. While Starscream was sometimes lazy, he wasn’t an idiot, and had made sure the mine was actually abandoned before sending Skyfire off. It had been decommissioned thanks to a cave-in further in. Hopefully, there would be enough energon in the unobstructed parts to support them for a while longer.

The Decepticons’ hasty departure was evident enough in the bits and pieces of mining equipment left sitting idle, as well as the energon signature his sensors were picking up. As far as Starscream had said, they weren’t the sorts to leave anything useful behind if they had another option. (He said so with no small amount of bitterness. Skyfire deduced he was halfway talking about himself.) 

Actually, scratch the signatures, he could outright see the dim blue glow embedded in the walls. It didn’t take much chipping away for him to be able to pry the raw crystals free of the stone and tuck them away in his subspace. There would be less once they got it processed, but it would keep them going. At least until they found another viable source. The menial manual labor gave him a chance to let his thoughts wander.

Four and a half  _ million _ years. That was a lot of time. And there had been a war going for almost the entirety of it. A war which Starscream had been in the thick of for just as long. Starscream had gained and lost an entire  _ trine _ . He’d been subject to abuse of the worst caliber. No  _ wonder _ he was so on edge all the time. After everything Skyfire had read (not even counting the stuff Starscream didn’t send a comm about), he’d be more surprised if Starscream was still perfectly healthy or functional. 

Just because he wasn’t surprised didn’t mean he wasn’t also distraught, though.

He didn’t blame himself for not being there. He couldn’t, not when he knew it wasn’t his fault in the slightest. Just a result of bad luck. Despite that, he still hated the fact that he hadn’t been. Hated the circumstances that had kept him away from his partner, that had put his partner in that kind of situation. That had hurt him so badly. 

It was no wonder Starscream hadn’t wanted him to read the comms. If Skyfire had concluded nothing else about this version of him, he  _ hated _ showing any kind of vulnerability. He’d never liked it, of course, but the old him had just taken a little cajoling to be convinced to talk about what was bothering him. This Starscream was like a steel trap. And the comms outlined all the worst vulnerabilities he’d felt in the millennia Skyfire had been gone. He’d never thought Skyfire would get a chance to read them, so he’d been okay with spilling things he’d normally never say a word about.

But now Skyfire was here. And if he read them (he tried not to feel guilty about breaking his promise), he’d see those vulnerabilities. And it would be out of Starscream’s control.

It broke Skyfire’s spark a little more every time he thought about it.

Trying to draw himself away from his thoughts as they grew more depressing, Skyfire knelt beside one of the derelict drills, peering over the mechanisms with a careful optic. They were a little lacking in useful materials back home… maybe he could break one of these down and they could find a use for the parts?

His musings were interrupted by a distant clatter elsewhere in the mine. Instantly he was on guard, drill forgotten as he reached into his subspace for the blaster Starscream had given him.

“Who’s there?” He called, kind of hoping he didn’t get a response. “I’m armed.”

His hopes were instantly dashed when a second clatter became heavy footsteps, and a tall mech (though not as tall as him) stepped out from behind an outcropping of rock. “At ease,” the stranger said, servos held aloft in a gesture of peace. “I mean you no harm.”

“Uhuh, sure,” Skyfire replied. “Are you a Decepticon?”

“I am not.”

Oh. “...Are you an Autobot?”

“Yes.”

Ah. So still not on their side (though, he supposed the point was that they didn’t  _ have  _ a side), but a little less likely to instantly murder Skyfire. Which was good.

“I’m not giving you any of the energon I found.” 

“That is fine,” the strange mech said, still keeping his servos up and staying a sizable distance away. “I have not come seeking that.” He had a very formal way of speaking. It was hard to pick out, probably thanks to how many years had passed since the city fell, but there was the barest hint of an Iaconian accent in his tone. 

“Okay,” Skyfire said, still wary. “What do you want, then?”

“Simply to guarantee the safety of another of our kind.” He tilted his head forward in a greeting. “My name is Optimus Prime.”

  
One of the Autobots he’d been told about-- what had Starscream called him? “Big, dumb, and chivalrous”? Something along those lines. Probably the least dangerous threat to Skyfire specifically. Definitely dangerous in a strength way, but he reportedly wasn’t keen on fighting mechs who didn’t try to kill him first. Which would hopefully keep his weapons from being trained on Skyfire.

“Well. I’m plenty safe. So you can go now.”

The Prime shook his head. “I meant in a long-term situation. This world is dangerous, and unlike us, the Decepticons will not hesitate to instigate violence. We can offer you a safe place to stay. You won’t have to forage for energon, or constantly live in fear.” So this was a recruitment effort. 

“No thanks.”

Optimus Prime blinked. “...I’m sorry?”

“I said no thanks,” Skyfire repeated, flexing his digits around the blaster he held. “I’m not interested. I’ve got everything I need where I am, and I’m not looking to get dragged into a war I’ve thus far managed to avoid. So I appreciate the offer, but I’m not interested.” There was a questioning ping from the  _ Harbinger _ . A query as to what was taking him so long. He sent back a quick  _ [Need evac now]. _

It was hard to tell exactly what the Prime was thinking thanks to the mask obscuring half his face, but the narrowed optics and furrowed brows couldn’t have been indicating anything good.

“So, um, anyways,” Skyfire said, taking a step backwards. “Nice chat. I should be going.”

As if on queue, a groundbridge opened behind him, and he turned and dove in without sparing a glance back. He landed sprawled on his aft on the floor, and the bridge closed the second he was through.

  
Starscream was at his side in an instant, trying not to look like he was fretting as much as he definitely was. “What happened? Are you alright? Was it Megatron?” He knelt down, servos fluttering over Skyfire’s frame, probably checking for injuries.

“I’m fine,” he said, sitting up and setting a hand on Starscream’s shoulder. “It wasn’t him. Optimus Prime showed up. Tried to get me to join them.”

It took him a second to realize that the moment he said that, Starscream had thrown himself backwards, staring at Skyfire with his optics shot wide and one arm pointed at the shuttle. His servo twitched, the beginning of the gesture that would fire the rocket directly into Skyfire’s chassis. At this range it would no doubt destroy something vital.

Skyfire sighed. He knew asking for millennia of suspicion  _ (because there was a WAR) _ to vanish just like that was a little much, but this was kind of outrageous. “I didn’t accept. Obviously.”

“Is it really so obvious?” Starscream asked, not dropping his arm. 

  
“Yes,” Skyfire said. He was still holding his blaster, and in what he hoped would come across as a show of good faith, he set it down and slid it away, in Starscream’s direction. The Seeker watched his movements with a critical optic. “There’s nothing they could offer me that would make me leave you.”

Starscream’s expression fell from suspicious to stricken, and he instantly let his arm fall. In that moment, curled up on the floor and looking lost, he looked younger than Skyfire had ever seen him.

Carefully, because he didn’t know what might be the wrong move to make, he shuffled forward until he could pull Starscream onto his lap and into a hug. 

“Do you actually think I’d go and abandon you? Just like that?”

Starscream shoved his face against Skyfire’s shoulder. “It’s been a very long time,” he mumbled, “since I’ve been able to trust anyone. Or had anyone on my side without having to bribe them there. Most of the few good things I’ve been able to find have been ripped away from me by one mech or another. So… yes. I was worried.”

Skyfire bit his lip. 

“Starscream,” he said, tightening his hold around the Seeker to the point where he’d have a hard time getting away. Skyfire knew he hated to be restrained… but desperate times called for desperate measures. “I think we should talk.”

In his arms, Starscream froze.

“No--”

“Yes.” He felt talons digging into his plating, but brushed the slight pain aside. It would take a lot more to do any lasting damage. He was built to sustain radiation output from the depths of space. He could handle some pointy digits. “Starscream, I looked at the comms.”

Dead silence. 

Then an audial-piercing shriek.

“ _ TRAITOR!”  _ Starscream shouted, high-pitched and hoarse. “ _ You said you wouldn’t!! You promised me, you promised-- You-- You liar--!!” _ Starscream writhed in his grip, but he held fast. If he let Starscream go now, there was a good chance he’d never get him back. “I told you not to and you  _ said _ you wouldn’t--”

“I know what I said. And I’m sorry for breaking my promise. But I’m glad I did.” He sighed. “Please. We  _ need _ to talk about the war.”

“No, no,” Starscream said. He was shaking, but whether it was from anger or fear, Skyfire couldn’t be sure. “Please don’t. Can-- Can’t we just pretend everything is normal? Please, can’t we just pretend things are still the way they were?”

Desperation still wasn’t a good look on him. He was supposed to be the stronger one of the two of them. But, well. This whole conversation was about how things weren’t the way they used to be. “Starscream,” he said gently, “we’re camping out in a derelict warship, stranded on an organic planet that’s lightyears away from home. I know it’s hard; I understand. It’s tough for me too.” He stretched out his legs a bit from where they’d been curled uncomfortably beneath him. “Primus, you think I don’t get it? I woke up and millions of years plus a  _ war _ had passed. I wish things could be the way they were too. But I’ve accepted that things are different-- and you need to accept that too.”

“I don’t want to.” His voice was muffled where he still had his face shoved against Skyfire’s shoulder. 

“I know. But you have to.”

“No--” He shook his head again, clinging yet-tighter to Skyfire as though he thought he could crawl under the shuttle’s plating if he just got close enough. “I don’t--”

“You  _ do.” _

“But-- I--”

Skyfire leaned away just enough to curl one servo against the side of the Seeker’s face. He tried to pretend he wasn’t leaning into it. “It’s okay, Starscream, you can say whatever’s on your mind. I’m not going to judge you or get mad about it.”

He looked up at Skyfire with big optics, teeth bared in a grimace. “Things now are  _ awful. _ They’ve been awful since you crashed. I don’t  _ want _ things to be different, I want things to be the way they were. Sure, we were subject to the whims of the council and constantly having to fight to be taken seriously, but at least we were  _ free. _ We could go where we pleased. We had a whole universe to explore. But then you  _ crashed _ and there was a  _ war _ and my trinemates  _ died _ and-- And Megatron--” 

“He hurt you,” Skyfire said quietly, and Starscream bared his teeth and snarled on instinct.

“And Megatron turned into even  _ more _ of an idiot than he was before. And everything was  _ terrible. _ And I have you, yes, but it’s still bad. We’re still  _ trapped _ and I can’t even  _ fly _ and we’re scrounging for fuel and I just-- I just wish we could go back to how it was before.” He sniffed. “I hate this.”

“I know.”

“I want to leave. I don’t want to stay here anymore. I hate this planet. Can’t we just go? It doesn’t matter where, I don’t care, I just don’t want to have to look at this place anymore.”

It was a nice thought. And definitely reminiscent of the past; just the two of them, no clear goal in mind beyond seeing as much of the universe as possible. But here, and  _ now… _ “We can’t, Starscream. You know we can’t.” He tugged the Seeker close again. “We don’t have enough fuel to sustain us for any lengthy amount of time with the energy consumption required for space travel, and you don’t even have a t-cog. I’m happy to carry you wherever you need to go, but you and I both know you’ll go nuts if you have to stay cooped up in my cab for however long it takes us to find somewhere to take a pitstop.” 

Starscream sniffled again, letting his head fall against Skyfire’s chassis with a dull sound. “I hate it when you’re right, too.”

Skyfire gave him a sad smile. “I know.”

They sat on the floor of the hallway in silence for several minutes. After those minutes had passed, Starscream vented deeply, just once, then sat up straight and smacked Skyfire on the shoulder. “Alright, no more moping. We’ve just been sitting around this ship doing nothing, but not anymore!” There was a spark in his optics. “I may not have a t-cog _ now _ and we may not have enough energon  _ yet,  _ but we are going to change that! I will get my t-cog back, and then we will gather enough energon stores to last us however long we need, and then we will  _ leave _ this planet and never look back!”

A lofty goal. But, well. Starscream’s ambition was always one of the things Skyfire had admired about him. The shuttle had never been one for the big ideas, the innovations. He was smart, sure, but ambition had never been his forte. Then Starscream had come along, determined to change the world. And like the planet they were now stranded on, Skyfire had been caught in the orbit of the closest and brightest star.

“There’s my Starscream,” Skyfire said with a smile he knew Starscream would have called “dopey,” the silly little expression that never failed to make him look like a lovesick idiot. “I was wondering where you’d gone.”

Starscream flushed bright blue. “You--” 

Skyfire curled one hand around the back of Starscream’s helm, and after a few moments of optic contact that conveyed a silent series of questions ( _ is this okay has too much changed please may i?)  _ the Seeker dug his claws into Skyfire’s shoulders and pulled him closer and captured him in a kiss that stole the breath right from Skyfire’s nonexistent lungs.

“I missed you,” Starscream murmured against his lips. “Don’t leave me again?”

Skyfire held him as tight as he could without denting anything. He’d been hurt enough. Skyfire would  _ not _ be just another source of pain in the Seeker’s life. “Never again,” he replied. “I promise.”

And he swore to himself that he wouldn’t break this one.


End file.
